Tears to Come

The last time I saw my cousin Amanda we were driving to her sister's wedding. We spent a good 6 hours in a car jam-packed with stuff and 2 babies and it was crazy and a suitcase fell on her head and she didn't complain. Her baby didn't make a peep. Her husband told me that Ryann spoke Russian. I then informed him that Ryann didn't even speak English. Some days I am still not sure what language she speaks- but it is getting farther and farther from Russian and closer to English.

So you know I am in Utah and there are a lot of us in town for this wedding. A LOT. And I am happy about it. But...

Tomorrow we are all going to cry. Why? Well, that is what Wagners do. My Grandpa starts crying first, and my mom then comes next- but she only cries out of one eye so only half the room can physically tell she is crying (that is another story-love you mom!). Then I will of course cry because I am crying just thinking about it. My bet is Judy will cry -and Jim- and of course Uncle Paul but Aunt Susan might hold it together...Nah- I am not even going to spend anymore time thinking about it- at least 50% of the room will.

From there each one of us will start to think about our Eternal Family. Not just our spouse or our children but our parents and cousins and uncles and aunts. Then it will lead to the family we have lost or who aren't there with us for many reasons. We will each in our own turn think of Tyler Roy and of Amanda and the preciousness of life.

And then Mark and Mallory will enter into the room and our thoughts will turn to this family of 2 that will be starting. Our tears will be joyful because of the purity of the marriage they will enter into. Our tears will also be joyful because Mark's dad, even after a round of chemotherapy, will be there to witness this glorious event.

And we will be happy, knowing we are blessed everyday. Even the days we don't feel blessed or feel like we deserve to be blessed, we are. We are here, surrounded by family and those who love us.

And I will miss Amanda. And then I will cry some more knowing she probably wouldn't have come to the wedding anyway because she would have had a new baby.

And then I will try to remember how funny it was when that suitcase fell on her head- even though I was mortified at the time. And then I will smile because I know families are forever and I know I will see her and Tyler Roy some day.

And Erin will cry when she reads this post. I love you!